"Patience Young Grasshoppah"

This summer has been....challenging to say the least. I have been bursting at the seams with a burning drive & energy to do something for myself. Something that would be personally fulfilling, creative, & mine. I don't know how else to explain it, "the thing" I need, the thing to fill the hole. The hole I have always filled with "bad" stuff. Bad stuff I won't do after having a family. Bad stuff that never filled the everlasting black hole I could never keep filled. Am I making sense??

I wonder some times if I have lost my mind?

Maybe all Stay-At-Homes go through this.

Summer break used to be the BEST part of life. The 1st minute of the 3 month prison break used to be a moment of deep exhale. Post-motherhood, not so much. I love the kids dearly, but oh - my - effn - God - 24/7 with the little tornadoes for 3 months is a living nightmare. Seriously. Sorry children, I don't want you guys to develop some sort of depressed-mother-who-doesn't-want-us-complex; because that is nothing further from the truth. You both are after all the best things that have ever happen to me, my everything, the reasons I was born, & angels who saved me from myself. 

Unfortunately, this is not always enough! Especially for us Restless Mommies who suffer from the Tortured Artist Syndrome we have been cursed with since the day we were born.

At some point during this looooooooooooooooong summer, I went crazy. Like I tend to do every so often especially during times of immense stress. I enrolled in classes for this Fall. I do this every so often as I have been labeled a "professional student" among several other undesirable names I have lived up to for most my life. I know, I know: "GREAT"! you say. Well, for someone who can barely manage to keep dinner on the table, the sink free of dishes, the bills paid on time, the kids to their respective classes on time while Daddy is working 70 hrs. a week, Nani (Mommy's mommy) is out of commission with a knee-replacement surgery - therefore no one else to help with the kids: you get the picture....piling on 6 credit hours of HTML5 - pretty much a brand new programming language I have no experience in, & a 4 hr. Photography studio with 2 hrs. of travel time...is the formula for a heart attack waiting to happen.

Long story short, I dropped the classes last night before the train was out the gate.

I have to say, I am SO RELIEVED. A bit disappointed, but relieved nevertheless.

It's just hard - because I WANT IT NOW. I want to do all the creative stuff I have in my head. Make up for lost time, for years and years - some would say "wasted" - I say "gaining life experience" - whatever it is, I could have been gaining life experience while producing work. Approaching 43, I do feel an impending sense of running out of time to fulfill my dreams.

But, I know that now is just not the time. "It will happen when it's suppose to happen."

Thanks to the Great Teachings of, you may or may not have heard of my Guru: "Pinterest", I consistently come across awesome quotes that validate the journey.

The fact is, motherhood is my dream. At least, the most important one. Without it, nothing else matters. The other ones will just have to wait! *Sigh*:-)