Not sure if I ever explained it. Not sure if it needs explanation. It's pretty self-explanatory. "Restless" Housewife, "Restless" Ink (my graphics biz). I am "Restless", always have been, probably always will be. In every - aspect - of - my life. It's absolute torture. I - am - so - over - it.
Fortunately, after 4 decades of living, I have been able to manage enough areas to be pretty functional for the most part. Meeting me, you may never guess that I struggle with, well- everything. Then again, maybe you would. At least not in my life right now as an average, middle-class, minivan-driving to dance classes, birthday parties, suburban-living mother of 2 beautiful girls; wife to a successful, highly-respected video editor/producer, clean-cut, all-American, all-around good guy.
20 years ago my friends, not so much. I was a disaster. A train wreck waiting to happen. That actually did happen several times, over and over again - for years to come (whole other post some day). Until I realized that it was UP TO ME. Up to me to change myself. Up to me to change what I looked for in my daily life. To change what I was looking for in boys (which thank G. turned into "men"). To change what I was looking for in basically - everything. (Again, whole other post - or blog for that matter.)
BUT, this does not mean that I did "it". I'm STILL trying to find it. It being that thing we are all (maybe not "all") of us are looking, searching, living for. I'm sure lots of you (all 3 of you, btw thank you for reading) who may say it's God or whatever. Not that I don't believe in a "higher power", I just need more. It's that "tortured artist" thang y'all.
To make a long story even longer, I started seeing someone - NO no no, not what you're thinking. This isn't that kind of blog (but at least I got your attention!;-). I finally - again - started seeing a therapist just yesterday as a matter of fact. If you read my post before my last, you are aware of the winter, my thyroid & what the lethal combo does to me. Let me show you:
WINTER + MY THYROID = Depression = Stress + Anxiety
Like I said, my life is thankfully "normal", but as I told Restless Husband, I went to shrink my explosive brain. A brain that houses a whirlwind of thoughts & ideas. A brain that is at the root of 20 different dreams, goals, visions. A brain that is - Restless.
I'm actually writing this because I needed a place to kind of journal the process I'm going through with my therapist. (Let's call her Dr. Shrink). I was actually gonna pull out a spiral notebook and pen it, but I figured hey, this might be entertaining for you all (all 3 of you, thank you for reading again; that is, if you're still there).
We decided to first and foremost work on my career aspirations. Thankfully, I have actually stayed in the same industry for the past 10 years which has been graphics. I have moved around in the graphic design field, from print, to motion, to web, but for the most part, I stayed. BUT, that doesn't mean that I've been satisfied. SO, I started exploring photography, also furthered my web design skills, & actually had a stint in the clothing/apparel design world. I even designed an fun planner I'll have to tell you (all 3 of you etc etc) about some day for us overwhelmed housewife/mom types I tried (barely) to get published. Oh, did I tell you I tried my hand at film as well? RESTLESS
I think you can see where this is headed (I hope - cuz this is taking me forever to explain).
Because of my dissatisfaction with graphics, & a need to take a break from it, I thought of an idea I'm not going to discuss just yet. The challenge I'm having is that I still - in my explosive, restless brain - along with this idea, I am still toying with the photography & even the evil graphic/web design freelance thing. At my wits end with myself, my therapy will be aimed at figuring this all out. What I'm going to do, why I change my life goals within minutes, why I don't follow through - why I am restless. Why in the midst of juggling 3 different career goals, I come up with an idea of a movie script.
For all you left-brainers out there - you've got it made. You decide on one thing and just do it. I wish I had that.
The 1st 2/3rds of my life was getting here, to a safe nest with a beautiful, loving, supportive family - with a solid background in a career that I liked a lot, loved, & hated - but is lacking in areas for me.
Anyhoo, I hope hope hope Dr. Shrink can help me out & guide me through the mountains, the valleys, trenches, & tunnels of my explosive, restless, annoying - brain:-). Stay tuned for latest developments. If there are any!
