It's been awhile, but I think about you every day!
I've had the urge to write for some time now, & well, here I am. So, let's skip the formalities and cut to the chase.
For 40 years I have been struggling with - LIFE. I guess most people have, but it's different when you're struggling with daily tasks such as...getting out of bed. Depression, yes, obviously. Antidepressants, yes, without them, I wouldn't be here. They have saved me and I'm a strong advocate of psychotropic medication for mental health & mood disorders that lead to dysfunctional living. Anyway, that's a whole other post - or even a blog in itself. Today though I'm here, to complain (that's why I have a blog, right?), about a tiny little gland located in my neck that seems to RULE or I should say UNRULES my life; that any amount of antidepressant therapy apparently does not resolve. And starting in the month of November continuing throughout the months of January, now February, my thyroid (that tiny little gland with the bite louder than it's bark) operates like a '57 Chevy. Crappily. I slow down, the world gets darker, everything becomes more difficult, & more than anything, I am F.R.E.E.Z.I.N.G. all the time. Especially in the mornings. And when you have little kids - there is no room for huddling, all wrapped up in an electric blanket, on the couch while on the computer (oh wait, that's what I'm doing now;-/ oops). That's what it's come to though.
Early winter, I'm o.k. - still functional. By - now - not so much. Completely useless. O.K., being a bit hard on myself - nothing new there. I did create an art studio in the garage for the kids & myself, went overboard as usual on Vday with hand-made cards & presents, take the kids to the Fresh Beat Band at Planet Hollywood, still manage to keep the house - decent, but I am nowhere near the energetic super mom I became (or at least try to be) after being diagnosed & treated for hypothyroidism. All these years, all the bone-chilling winters I was literally FROZEN - self-medicating with self-destruction, I had a thyroid that simply marched to the beat of it's own drum. Btw, when I say "FROZEN", I mean bone-chilling, from the inside out, COOOOOOLLLLD. Let me put it this way, during the Kansas winters I grew up in, which I barely survived, I wore long johns, or tights under all my clothes all winter. This solution was only discovered in one of the escapades I made from the cave of depression that immobilized me - along with my primitive man-like revelation of using "The Electric Blanket".
Although medicated, winter months challenge the thyroid as they do the engine of a '57 Chevy. Currently as I sit here bundled up in "The Electric Blanket" on High for over an hour now, my back is still chilled to the bone. And we live - in Las Vegas. This can't be normal.
I am supplementing with Kelp pills which have seemed to help a bit. A bit. Plus, with all the motivation I can muster up - I try to get to the gym which does help when I actually make it. I even started "running" again (in quotes because my running is more like fast walking with 2 minute spurts of a faster walk - ok - jogging). I did see the doc, but the test results did not, as ususal, come out the way I feel. And with the chronic bureaucracy issues controlling our health insurance, me being FROZEN, keeping up with daily the chaos & the unpredictable, brutal, physically exhausting schedule that comes gift-wrapped with having children this day & age, finding a doc that will help me despite the numbers on a manufactured test result versus the actuality of what is happening in my body, in my life....is absolutely i.m.p.o.s.s.i.b.l.e.
Maybe next year. Before I get this way, I will take on & tackle my thyroid like a relentless UFC fighter determined to make his mark. Because, well, this sucks.
Oh, & I forgot to mention I'm looking into possible & probable Seasonal Affect Disorder. Again, whole other post - God I'm a mess.
