PREFACE: First of all, don't get me wrong. It is completely my choice and desire to stay at home w/my daughter and I feel very blessed that my husband "allows" it even in our condition (yes, we are one of them) these days. He not only "allows" it, he encourages it. His mom stayed at home with him. Mine didn't. I've told my mom that I would've traded living in a big house for living in an apartment if I could've had her at home. But, my parents did what they thought would be best for the family, therefore, no regrets. Just an example by which I live by and have always known I would live by when I had my own children.
Having said all that...I have the "stay-at-home blues" which I found is an actual term I was able to Google! In my research, I found a couple of very helpful articles.
What a relief it was that other people feel the same way I feel! On top of feeling the going stir-crazy at home, Groundhog Day, feeling like I'm getting nowhere - feeling: the guilt that accompanies these feelings pushes it all the edge. I mean, shouldn't I be just overjoyed every minute of the day being able to spend every minute of the day with my amazing 2 1/2 year old daughter?! Shouldn't I be treasuring every one of these minutes as I know that they will only happen once?!
No. I miss my career. I miss feeling like I'm getting somewhere in life. I miss bringing home an income! (Especially when we REALLY do need it!). I miss getting dressed and looking like "a person" every day for work. I miss socializing at work.
BUT...
I would SOOOOOO MISS everything I have with Dora every day, every minute of the day. Restless Hubs said I'd last 2 days at the most: he's right. Plus, realistically, who, in their right mind, would hire a 4 month pregnant woman knowing she would be taking maternity leave in the very near future? And with the cost of daycare/preschool, it would be a wash. But more than anything, I DO treasure all these moments...I just may not always be treasuring them in those moments.
Anyway, the articles are really good and they made me realize that I'm NOT the only one out there that gets the "Stay-at-Home Blues". Now, if I could just get rid of them!
8 comments:
Hear hear! We all go through that, I think. I miss the respect and the feeling of accomplishment and of a job well done. I miss feeling like I know what I'm doing.
But I love my baby to pieces and would miss her incredibly...
Hi Restless! This is a wonderful post. I read the articles that you referenced in here. I needed this!! I do think it is the best thing in the world that we get to stay home with our babies...and it's the hardest thing too, and you don't get a lot of people that understand that! I get these blues at times too and I wrestle with the decision....should I go back to work, am I being productive, does all of this matter???
I hope you get rid of the blues soon! You are a wonderful mom and I am sure that Dora and the baby to come will be so incredibly better off by having you at home!
Hugs!
nicolle
They'll pass. I know this only because I've suffered them BIG TIME. And the only thing worse than missing your "old life" is the guilt that pounds you as soon as you admit it to yourself.
Let yourself mourn. Wallow a little (or a lot, depending on the weather). Get it out of your system and don't feel bad. It's okay. You'll be much happier with who you are when they pass. Because they will. I promise.
Moz: It really means a lot to know that even a super-mom such as yourself has similar feelings. When it comes to respect and feelings of accomplishment, you should feel both!
Nicolle: Thanks so much. I'm so glad the articles were helpful for you as well. I know, that's the hard part is that most people DON'T understand how difficult it is. Luckily, my husband does and that makes a world of difference for me. It's good to know that you also struggle with the decision. You're a fantastic mom as well and our babies are most definitely better off with us at home.
ck: Good to know from someone who has been in the trenches and got out! (well, still is, but in a different way). Thanks so much for the good advice!
I have so been there!!! Shoot, some days I'm still there!
Don't worry. Eventually the good things happen more frequently than the bad things. And the way that you define yourself takes subtle shifts and bends. And the mirror that you see yourself reflected in distorts. And all these things are good things -- it's how you continue to change/grow as a mother and a person. Doesn't mean it isn't frustrating as heck in the process though...
Great blog. Hey I think I may qualify to "missing a career". I was a florist for 17 years. I worked until I had my second child. Now 3 years after my third - I go someplace and think....gosh, I might like to work at Costco....or oooo, Albertsons, I could do that....or how awesome would it be to work at Starbucks....I feel like I'd like to work ANYWHERE sometimes. But I too, wouldn't trade staying home for any job right now.
Kathy B: Thanks so much for your supportive, encouraging and understanding words. I like that: "the mirror you see yourself in distorts..." - so true.
Gini: Thanks! That's so funny that you say that cuz that's how I feel w/almost everyone I see now! I see the barista at Starbucks and feel envious of her career. But I wouldn't trade being able to stay at home w/my baby for the world!
well at least you know its normal!
good luck with working through it.
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